illusions

I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that sometimes other people think i'm a better person than i actually am. I get these hints from the way some people claim i've inspired them to do something, or from certain compliments or praises. A part of me wants to cry of joy because it feels like i've accomplished something decent in life, but a bigger part feels like shriveling up inside, wanting to hide out from those people before they realise that it's all probably just an illusion.

People see what i decide to show, what i decide to display to the world. Sometimes i wonder if it's better that i show more honest parts about myself alongside the apparently 'good' things. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty. In a way, I want people to know that i have a dark side too, i have my demons inside as well. I sin more than they think. It's nice to have people look up to you but what if they're looking up to somebody who isn't even who they thought that person really is?

 A lot of people tend to get judgmental when they see somebody who portrays themselves positively(example: wear hijab) do something that they shouldn't do. Then perhaps we shouldn't look up to a person as a whole. Take the good bits, and acknowledge the rest as proof that they are human too. We all have our struggles, and sometimes we're strong and sometimes we're not.

I am my own worst critic. That's because nobody else knows me better than i know myself.