it's not that easy

I hate it when things end, when the time comes for you to finally let go of the moments that made you feel warm and happy inside, the moments that made you smile and wonder what on earth did you do to deserve a wonderful surprise from God. It's a really complicated feeling; it's like someone poured half a glass of ice peach tea(my current favourite drink) into a cup and poured in another half a glass of those bitter medicinal syrups(eww), mixing it both together then drinking it. Wow, what an analogy eh? I'd imagine it tastes awful with hints of sweetness, because that's what it feels like. It feels depressing and wonderful, all at once. Oh wait, BITTERSWEET, that's the word! I'm not sure if i'm using it in the right context, but it sounds right.

It's sweet because of the unexpected joy and laughter and connection with the people you spent time with, and because you're wishing it could last longer than it did. It's sweet because you could just be yourself for a little while, and not be afraid to let some parts of you out.

But it's also bitter. Bitter, not just because it's over but because you're left to look back while you're walking forward, wondering if the people who were with you are walking alongside you as you move on from the moments. It's bitter because you can't be certain that it was significantly memorable for them too, or if you're the only one imagining it all.

Either way, it's not easy to have wonderful memories, to have been fated to special moments. They're beautiful and painful all at once.

If i've learnt anything from every single one of these kinds of moments, i've learnt that the people you hope will feel the same way you do probably don't, and that it's completely fine. These kinds of memories will linger on to you for some time, then whether you like it or not you're going to forget about them while you continue your journey. But the thing that makes it all worth it? It's when you suddenly remember after years and years, and can still feel the exact emotions and feels in the moment. It's when you can vividly remember the smallest of details. It's when you can smile and laugh to yourself of the silly things you did with those people, and remember that once upon a time, you were actually happy, and that life is actually pretty wonderful.

"High hopes, it takes us back to where we started. High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again. High hopes, when it all comes to an end, and the world keeps spinning around" - Kodaline

*quotes the rest of High Hopes by Kodaline because damn, the entire song is so relatable*