accepting, with a smile

Something Fattah tweeted made me realise something. I may not have realised this consciously, but i've let go of a life i once was afraid to forget, one i was frightened to leave as only memories.
It's been 5 years since i last set foot in Australia. Saying goodbye to all those wonderful people was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life so far. How could it have been easy? I had many amazing friends who helped me create the best memories of my childhood, and i had to leave it all behind as i stepped on the plane heading for Kuala Lumpur. At first, i did not know that it really was the end of a chapter of my life. I thought things would somehow still be the same; because we all promised to stay in contact and visit each other someday. I guess it was normal to think that way at that time, especially since we were all still kids and thought our world would be just that, because life was pretty great at that time. We probably didn't think we would meet other great people, and create special memories with them.
Or maybe it was just me.

The thing about me is sometimes i do feel the ache in my heart when i think about my childhood in Australia. It hurts me that things could never again be the same, because we were kids and now we're all teenagers with our own lives we're building and creating. I was the one who moved away, so i'm the one who let go of the most. Everyone there only had to let go of another person in their life. I had to let go of most of what made me happy there. And i miss them, so much. I miss the journey we went through, i miss the fun, the laughter, the ups and downs, the tears, the joy, the excitement, the life.

But i had to let go. I had to. We've all moved on, and the difference between my situation and Fattah's is probably that i could never get back what i had. I've lost contact with most of my friends there, and i can't even find that one person who had played the biggest role in my childhood. It's a longing pain. It wasn't easy to let go of at first, but as time passed i realised that there is no point in getting depressed and wondering how things could have been different, instead of focusing on the present and making the best out of it. What i could do is hope for the best for my wonderful friends there, and pray that we'll get to meet again someday. I've already met one of them actually, about a month ago. It was terrific meeting her, it was like a sign or proof that everything i had gone through was real; it was all real and weren't just lost in my dreams or memories. I have finally let my childhood life in Australia go, with a smile on my face that it had happened and that it was amazing and absolutely unforgettable.


Wait. On second thought, i don't think it's about letting go. I think the better word for it is accepting.

Accepting that life goes on, for everyone. You can stay where you are and watch everyone else change, or you can change with them and expand your life to be the best. Someday if it is meant to be, your paths will cross again. Everyone was sent into our life for a reason. When they've played their role, then it's their time to go and leave space for new people to teach you valuable lessons. Perhaps we have also done that to somebody; to have meant something special to them and to have left for certain reasons. I think it's fair enough.

For every single soul who has ever walked through my life; even just as a hello or as a friend or as a stranger who merely observed me living, i want to thank you. I may not seem like i appreciate or care about you enough and perhaps i might not think i do, but i do know that i'm thankful you were a part of the book of my life. Even if you're just a floating shadow or a random stranger in a background or a silent reader of this blog, the fact is that you were there, even if you didn't realise it. It may not have been a noticeable significance, but thinking about how it's never a coincidence makes me appreciate it. Over all, i want to thank God for willing it all to happen.

This life is pretty amazing, when you really look. I have to keep looking.

well this is me now heh

P.s. credits to Fattah for inspiring me with this post :) i actually may not know what you're going through and it's probably completely different from what i went through, but still. Oh and thank you for being a part of my life, and even though you're there and i'm here, you've taught me a lot of things and  well, i'm very thankful :)