birthdays-

--are irrelevant. 

I wish we didn't grow up celebrating birthdays. I wish it was never a norm to think birthdays were special in the first place. Maybe then, we wouldn't feel burdened to remember everyone's birthday and being worried about having to get the people we love birthday presents and wish them special words only on a particular day just to take care of their heart so they wouldn't feel hurt that to you, it was just another day on the calendar. I think the world would be fine without thinking birthdays have to be special.

Really, it's just a more obvious reminder that you're getting old and that you're getting closer to your deathday.

Don't get me wrong. I really appreciate the kind wishes and prayers from everyone who remembered or found out on Facebook and Twitter. It was really nice, especially the very meaningful messages from wonderful people. The rest were the typical "Happy birthday, may Allah bless you!"s and "Happy birthday, Ramadhan Mubarak!"s, which were also lovely. I do appreciate all the effort, thank you. :)

However, i still think birthdays are irrelevant. I have to admit, i don't have the capability or will to remember everyone's birthday,especially when we're living in a bigger world with Internet and all.  The problem with this would be a couple of things;

First, if i forget or don't know the birthday of the people who actually do mean a lot to me, they might get hurt even slightly and that could even spoil their day if they were expecting me to wish them.

Second, i am now a college student and therefore money is a great issue(well actually i didn't even have money during high school). I just can't afford to buy people birthday presents(and i suck at thinking of what to get people), nor do i have the time to make them one. Again, this could hurt them too.

Third, when other people put great effort to celebrate or surprise somebody whom i care about on their birthday and i'm either not there or i can't afford to do the same for them, i feel insecure and small myself. It kind of feels like a silent competition of who's a better friend or sister/brother to the birthday girl/boy. Yeah, that sucks too.

Birthdays aren't supposed to be like that.  It's not supposed to hurt and burden people. I know this doesn't apply to everyone,  and maybe it's just me. Wouldnt birthdays be nice without all these barriers though, huh? Ah well. 

Unfortunately, i grew up in a world where birthdays are viewed as special and meaningful, and as you get older you're flooded with disappointments over your expectations and hopes. I thought i didn't care about my birthday, and truthfully i didn't want to care but the unnatural human nature of wanting that day to be remarkable got into me.

My birthday was just another day, and i guess i should expect this to happen every year. I guess i had secretly hoped that it would get better each year, but that's just wishful thinking and it's my own fault for wanting that kinda stuff.

I'll still wish you on your birthday though, only if i remember it. If i don't, then please forgive me. You're more than welcome to not wish me for mine :) It is quite ironic though that we hope others would remember our day, but we don't  necessarily remember all of theirs. Exactly why i don't want birthdays to be so important, because they're not. 

I'm an adult now, an adult who doesn't like birthdays anymore.
But thank you God, for letting me live this long. If i haven't served my purpose in this life yet, please let me keep working on it. Alhamdulillah.

Had pizza for my 17th birthday, murtabak for my 18th.

Doodled this for a friend two weeks ago.