gaining control

For some reason, whenever we get busy we wish for the opposite but once we finally have the free time within the grip of our hands, it becomes unexpectedly easy to feel lost and directionless.

The 'lost and directionless' moment stretched out to be very long for me. For a while, i didn't really do anything fairly beneficial and i kept waiting for something to come up for me to regain control over my life again. Being the person that i am, i habitually tend to dismiss the tingling urge in my mind that i should make something happen rather than blankly wait for it. Hence, i basically wasted a month of my life.

Towards the end of August, i had the opportunity to explore some places which held deep memories from a good part of my high school days; debating. I helped to supervise my juniors in the IIUM IDC for nearly a week and went to adjudicate debates at MUSLEH ISDC for 4 days. Initially, i agreed to indirectly participate in these two events because i wanted to feel like i was filling up my days doing somewhat productive things. I actually did manage to achieve that, with so much more.

It's a little hard for me to describe the nostalgia and reminiscence right now because it wasn't my main intention to write about that in this particular blogpost. What i wanted to write about was the effect of what i went through in the past week or two.

It's weird, but i finally had that natural kick to make me start willingly want to do things. In all honestly, i've never really been the type to be doing research about current issues and stuff by choice. I always had to be forced to do it, which led to procrastination and poor quality of research. But now, I actually want to know about things. I have plans to team up with former debate teammates in open debate tournaments next month, so that sort of requires me to improve my debating skills and increase my knowledge. Hopefully my sudden change-of-attitude about doing research will benefit me and my teammates soon.

Next, while doing research I accidentally ended up in an organ donation website. I suddenly have the intuition to sign up as an organ donor. I know it's probably nothing extraordinary to do something like that, but for me it seems quite important for me to really consider it. The fact that I no longer need parental permission makes me feel like i have a control over my life because it would be because of my own decision. It's sorta like the urge i had with blood donation, only i haven't really gotten around to doing that yet. I guess i should do more research first about these things.

Right after looking into organ donation, i remembered that my dad had suggested for me to sign up for an online course a few weeks ago. I always procrastinated and never got around to doing it, but for some reason i suddenly wanted to check it out. So i went on and tried to find a course that i would be interested in to join. I ended up registering for an online social psychology course, even though it already started about 6 weeks ago.

I guess it seemed very exciting for me to do something with my life, from the result of my own initiative. I managed to prove to myself(even though it took a while) that nothing much will happen if i just wait around. Okay, perhaps it's debatable because most people wait around for something to motivate or inspire them to do things, but sometimes we all just need a little will to push ourselves. I hope this new attitude within me will last.


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if a house is made from a thousand bricks, then let me be one of those bricks, to help keep the house together, to make a significant difference.

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2017 Reading Challenge

2017 Reading Challenge
Kamalia has read 15 books toward her goal of 50 books.