i can be a jerk, i know


There was a time when i'd be happy to talk to pretty much anyone who starts a conversation with me. Those were the days of Yahoo Messenger, Facebook, MSN Messenger and texting. I never really minded who i talked to and if the other person bothered to keep the conversation going i'd basically just keep chatting and talking until somehow the conversation ends or fades away really slowly. Those were the old days.

Now would be the days of Whatsapp and Wechat and Twitter and every other social mobile application you can probably think of at the top of your head at this very moment(Line, Viber, Telegram, Kakao,FB Messenger, Skype). It's easy to be found even when you don't want to be, and many people still have the old habits of wanting to virtually socialize with people that (let's admit it) we don't even really know and probably have never even met in real life nor really care about.

I don't know why, but i'm mostly past that era of social curiosity in the virtual world.

I realised that i'm quite picky in who i choose to have continuous virtual conversations with, and they're mostly with people i actually care about and really want to talk to. I know it's not good to just brush off light conversations with people who bother to put an effort to start a conversation with you in the first place, and as much as i don't want to be rude and be labelled as "sombong" or unfriendly, i just simply don't see much point of it. In fact, i get too lazy to do the "Hey//How are you//What are you doing//" cycle that's become so mundane and pointless because at the end of the day(most of the time) i simply don't give a crap(no offense).

Heck, sometimes i'm even lazy to chat with the people i do care about, because eventually i'll get tired of not actually socializing with them face to face. Communicating in real life really is divergent compared to interacting in the virtual world. I discovered that i like people better when i meet them, and sometimes they sound like plain jerks on social media.

 The reasons for that are obvious; body language. Voice intonation. Actual "haha's" and laughing out loud. Sincere real-life emojis. I gotta admit, even I lack these things in virtual conversations. I am, admittedly, more of a jerk in the modern mediocre world of virtual communication. I'd like to believe i'm actually quite nice in real life, even though i'm very shy when it comes to meeting new people.

So the real point of me writing this particular post is to apologize to everyone i've been intentionally or unintentionally obnoxious to on social media. Sometimes i might be the one who lets a conversation fade away, or the one that gets sensitive and dramatic. I might not even reply at all when you attempt to start a conversation, so i really am sorry if you get hurt from me not having enough determination to keep up with everyone's lives through technology.

 It really does depend on my mood, and on other people's personality and approach. I rarely start conversations(even with my best friends), so please don't get offended if you feel like you're the one who needs to put in the effort to interact with me. Let's just meet up in real life and save ourselves from the typical chatting cycle(unless its significant and unconventional or you're willing to see the jerkish side of Kamalia).

Through time, my interest in these sort of things simply just. fades. away.




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if a house is made from a thousand bricks, then let me be one of those bricks, to help keep the house together, to make a significant difference.

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2017 Reading Challenge
Kamalia has read 15 books toward her goal of 50 books.
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