mind block

this has nothing to do with the post but im happy with this gif i made of my fairy lights

I feel like i've lost the ability to write. It could be because i haven't been writing much for a long time, or simply because i'm just never in the 'writing mode' anymore. Whenever i do feel like publishing a post though, my mind goes completely blank of ideas and i end up feeling frustrated with myself. I do have a couple of unpublished posts written, but i always debate with myself whether to publish those or not because i do realise that there are some thoughts that should just be left unread and unknown to others.

I don't consider myself a writer, but i remember loving to type out my thoughts and feeling satisfied after letting it out. I'd like to have those feelings again, but it's not exactly something you can force yourself to feel. Usually i'm able to continuously type for ages without stopping, and i'd make silly typos because the rate of the thoughts flowing out mismatched my ability to type it all out quickly, making me miss certain words and laugh at myself later when i proof-read my writing before publishing it.

Now i pause a lot for long periods of time, thinking of how to start a sentence or continue one in my usual style of writing. It doesn't feel right, it feels forced and it's frustrating to keep trying at that moment. That's why i haven't been posting much, i guess. It's not that i don't want to write, it's that i can't.

Other than that, some of my English lecturers have made me realise how terrible my grammar is. I thought my English was decent enough because usually the phrases and collocations i use sound grammatically correct. It turns out that English is much more complicated than the simple past, present and future tenses. A lot of what i thought was correct were actually wrong, even if they were minor mistakes. It made me feel insecure about my writing, i guess. Heck there are probably a lot of errors in this post too. So my dear readers, please don't be fooled by my usage of English.

I decided that i needed to keep forcing myself to write if i ever want to get that old writing habit again. I'll try to write about things that could benefit others, but i have to admit it's not really something i'm good at so i'll probably be writing movie and book reviews or something like that. Maybe i'll just write about how my day was or how annoying my brother is sometimes. I hope you guys don't get bored, but even if you do then that's okay at least i'll be attempting to improve my writing.


Yeah i think that's all. Have a great day :)