pushing people away

I like to push people away, especially those who actually care about me. It's selfish, i know. I don't know why i have to always put myself in such a complicated situation. When i'm alone, i want someone to be around me, someone to talk to and make me feel special. When people finally approach me, i suddenly back off and push them away. It's not because i don't appreciate them trying to help me, because that's just the sweetest thing ever. I guess it's not easy for me to easily trust people to try to understand me, because i know they will probably never succeed. Even if they might, i still don't want to risk the chance of them just being another person who i throw my burden to. I'm very choosy in trusting people, because i don't want to be let down. At the same time, i'm terrified of letting others down too.

The problem with getting too attached with someone is you both have every power to disappoint the other, and probably even break them as easy as you could make them feel like they're the most amazing person in your life. It's a wonderful but frightening thing at the same time.

So i think i'll just continue keeping things to myself, at least until i understand myself better. Because if i don't even understand myself, how could other people possibly understand me?


  1. Thats a tricky question, but a good one.
    Friends reflect who we are.
    Talking about understanding, theres a reason why we need to always reflect daily on;
    1. How we act upon ourselves.
    2. How we act upon others.
    3. How we react upon others.
    4. How others react upon us.

    Telling someone our burden is actually a good thing for us and that person.
    It helps keep us feel secured and lessen our burden, coz all we need is a loyal listening friend.
    It also help make our friend feel appreciated and special. As a famous preacher had said (sounded something like this, cant remember),
    "Be grateful when Allah sent His aid to your friend through you."
    But do choose your listening friend well, and stick to that person. For me, well, Ive my mum and one best friend to talk to.




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2017 Reading Challenge

2017 Reading Challenge
Kamalia has read 15 books toward her goal of 50 books.